By Mikayla van Loon
Supporting men to speak their concerns and voice their internal pain is the intention of Mooroolbark’s Build a Brotherhood to ensure they don’t suffer in silence.
Preventing male suicide is something close to the heart of founder Peta Bobbine, whose brother, Luke Bray, took his own life in 2018 after serving in Afghanistan and suffering from PTSD upon return.
Peta said men make up 75 per cent of suicides and seven men a day take their own life in Australia.
Being a family member impacted by suicide, she realised their wasn’t enough support for men, so with the help of her founding partner Leah, a drug and alcohol counsellor, the pair have set up resources and bi-monthly support groups held at the Mooroolbark Men’s Shed.
“We wanted to try to make a difference,” Peta said.
With mental health listed for the first time on the Census as a chronic health condition, Peta wasn’t surprised that the Yarra Ranges data listed it as the largest long-term health concern for 10.3 per cent of the population.
“There is not enough support for men. There has been a huge rise in divorce rates impacting men and their mental health,” she said.
“A large number of men are going through child alienation and custody battles. There are not many places men can go to get support and that is why we run our groups.”
Since the pandemic, Peta said attendance at the support group sessions has dwindled, with less men making the journey out to talk and share their experiences.
“Before the pandemic our groups were a lot larger than they are now. I feel the pandemic has impacted people in the way of isolating and impacting social anxiety from being at home during pandemic,” she said.
While group numbers used to sit at around 30 people, Peta said it has dropped to between five and 10 people and while this is not what they are used to, it has meant those who attend get more one-on-one help.
“It makes it easier to have one on one conversations with the men and give the extra time and support they need with what they’re going through.”
For the most part, Peta said Build a Brotherhood is about letting men know they are not alone in their struggles, which has created a community of men sharing their stories on social media.
Breaking down barriers on what men can and can’t feel or share is what this internationally connected community of over 60,000 people on Facebook and 30,000 people on Instagram does.
Peta said she has seen a positive change in those men who have been coming to the support sessions since the beginning.
Working on different topics of focus on the first and third Tuesday of each month, like stress management, self care, communication skills, relationships or trauma, Peta said Build a Brotherhood’s support group offers the techniques and tools to wade through mental health.
For someone who is noticing their friend, partner, brother, nephew, son or father battle anxiety or depression and isn’t sure what to do, Peta offers this advice:
“It’s important to initiate a call, message or catch up if you know of a man struggling, don’t leave it to them to reach out,” she said.
“It’s important to ask open ending questions that don’t just end in a yes or no answer to get the flow of the conversation going.
“Use reflective listening and follow on questions from what they’re saying.
“It’s important not to try to fix it and simply listen to what they’re saying. Then follow the conversation up with how you’re there for them and care for them.”
Peta also recommends applying for a mental health plan through a GP to see a psychologist or psychiatrist and to know that Lifeline (13 11 14) and Beyond Blue can answer a call at any time.
“We run our support groups for all men. They’re free or just a gold coin donation if you have it.
“It’s okay to come late or leave early. We do not mind as these are for the men and we want to support them in any way we can.
“We want to end men suffering in silence and remind the world that men matter.”
Mooroolbark Men’s Shed is located on the corner of Ellen Road and Croydondale Drive. The men’s support group sessions run from 6.30pm to 9pm twice a month.
To find out more about Build a Brotherhood, visit the website www.buildabrotherhood.com or contact admin@buildabrotherhood.com
